I feel guilty for having fun.
Sometimes.
My mind races to the big “TO DO.”
All the boxes that need to be checked.
Miles run.
Chores done.
The always ticking clock a constant companion in my mind.
Like a tell tale heart under the floorboards.
A list as long as your forearm.
And never enough time to finish it.
So fun feels like a guilty pleasure.
And pleasure often gets pushed to the backburner.
Or by the wayside.
I don’t make a good hedonist.
Even if I do so enjoy my pleasures.
When I do them.
Someone suggested scheduling better.
If Elon Musk can run six companies in his 24 hours, I should be able to run one.
I do.
But.
I get bit by the “more, bigger, better” bug who lives next to the guilty heart.
“He got that ambition baby
This week he’s mopping floors
Next week he’s on fries.”
Ambition and time.
Twins of dissatisfaction.
And it feels like contrary thinking to an abundance mindset.
That’s what I’m working on.
Convincing and reminding me.
That 10,800 minutes a week is enough.
It should be easy to spare 100 of them dedicated to fun.
But what would I do?
Sit in the sun and read?
Feel guilty for the stories I need to finish.
Run and sweat on the River Trail?
We’re going wide with all the books so they have to be formatted and finished and uploaded.
And pitched to Hollywood.
And packaged and licensed.
And expanded into audio.
Running increases blood flow so the ideas won’t stop and neither will other parts that crave blood for pleasure.
Watching TV.
Drinking a beer or two.
Brainstorming.
Solving problems.
All of it in the mix and wanting time that might be better spent.
FOMO.
Fear of Missing Out.
Except…
One lesson I’m trying to learn.
To take in and live and breathe.
Work and fun and TCB and GET IT DONE
All of it is “the Journey.”
That’s the part I love the most.
The pleasure from doing it, not just getting it done.
Little pulses of joy when I hit publish, or when I hit upload or when the words just keep coming.
Or the ideas keep popping.
Learning to recognize that the act of making something, creating anything is the part I enjoy the most.
Or at least as much as running and reading and drinking beer and pickle hiding.
All the things that make for good memories and great days.
Reminding me that time spent with fingers on the keyboard is a pleasure and goes into the W column for the day.
Shifting focus on how to reframe that guilty feeling.
Just over here, still learning life and having fun.
It is a process.
I put it on my “to do” list.
My next up guilty read:
Fill Your Ereader with:
March Madness Big Book Giveaway
Another for the W column:
Battlefield Z on Barnes and Noble
(just click to see it, I’ve got your free copy link later this week.)
AND give this a listen
PLUS if you like what you’re reading:
Haunted house? Really? Gumbo? Actually not bad at all