It's 9AM

Do You Know the Short Cut?

Mention my name, you’ll get a good seat.

A lame Dad joke.

OR a hilarious answer to “I’ve got to go to the bathroom.”

She says I say it too much.

Too often and to people I shouldn’t.

Strangers.

For me, it’s a short cut to a smile.

A shorthand for being funny.

Maybe it comes with age.

My Dad wasn’t funny as he got older, but he was fun loving.

He worked the swing shift most of his life and spent almost every night closing down a bar.

At his funeral, the bartenders showed up.

They told us how great he was and how fun he was.

One pretty young bartender told me he paid for her college degree.

My Dad who told me I was on my own at the end of sixteen.

Weird the faces we show people, but I know he was in a different phase of his life by the time he died.

The end phase, for sure, but before that.

He was never one to share advice.

I had my Papaw for that.

Maybe my Dad knew I wasn’t as open to his version of advice as I was to the other.

To be fair, I was a pretty self assured teenager, so I was probably hard to give advice to by anyone.

I’m still not easy to advise.

Tell me not to talk to the wait staff and I won’t listen.

Tell me to hold off the jokes and be serious and I wonder what’s the point?

Life is either an absurd comedy where you’re having fun, or you’re some curmudgeon tapping out complaint by complaint on a keyboard.

Trolling.

I get a lot of advice from Trolls.

Which begs the question, why are you bitching about free?

The great thing about Dad jokes and this big wide world we live in is options.

Don’t like Dad jokes?

Watch Dave Chapelle.

Or Matt Rife, who is a new funny guy I’ve found in my feed.

Don’t like these words?

Click away, Earl.  Swipe right.

Which may be some of the only advice I give.

Life is too short to get worked up about stuff like that.

Truly, the only thing to get really bothered about is traffic.

It seems that idiots multiply like rabbits when two ton death machines are involved.

Other than that, you do you.

And eat more beef.

A high protein, low or no carb diet is going to help with aging better.

And exercise a lot more than you are.

Okay, that’s three things of advice, but the last two are to help you stick around longer.

Hell, the first one is too, because if you laugh more, you release dopamine or tryptophan or benzene into your blood stream and it gives you all the good gooey chemicals.

And if you click away from crap you don’t like, that limits the stress hormones dumps into your system.

So only three pieces of advice.

Eat meat. Go for a walk. Don’t stress.

Pretty simple, I think.

And make jokes if you can.

Lots of them.

We need more smiles in the world, even if it’s at my expense.

Put ‘em on my tab.

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