It's 9AM
A view of Main Street downtown Pine Bluff - worth saving?
What’s wrong with you, she asked.
I started to wonder myself.
Ever get the feeling that something is off?
Not quite right?
I read that the most used “famous” last words in the world are “something is wrong.”
Though I don’t think I’m going to die.
Not for another 50 years.
I’ll hit 103, and go to sleep and that’s all she wrote.
The lady will have sung.
But fifty years is a long time, and if something feels off now, then there’s enough time to correct it.
But correct what?
I do more self reflection than is healthy.
I think a lot of people who create fiction do.
And I suggest that everyone keep a journal or three to document and share and spill onto the pages.
Because it helps.
And it gives you a backward roadmap to return to when “things” feel off course.
I know what she meant though.
Things felt off because of how things were going for me.
I could blame the state.
Or the state of mind of people where I spend most of my time.
I could blame the household or circumstance or vampires of energy that seem to add up.
Except…
That was part of whatever was wrong.
Giving people and circumstance and location any sort of power means giving up control.
And that was the core of what felt wrong.
A lack of control.
And for a guy used to giving orders and getting grumbles while they’re done, no control is a PITA.
Pain in the Ass.
Out in the real world, folks have an agenda and it usually involves them as the center of the universe.
Probably the main source of all conflict is the reality of running up against the fact that we are not.
I would bet every instance of road rage stems from one driver thinking they are right and the other guy is wrong.
And vice versa.
Probably the same with almost every argument.
The reality of learning that we are not the only person in the world and it doesn’t revolve around us butting right up against someone else learning the same thing.
A gasoline meets fire conflagration.
For a person who wants to take control, it makes for difficult situations.
Because as the center of a world, I know what’s best, even if you think you know what’s best from your center.
And my being right doesn’t supersede somebody else’s wrong.
Just kidding.
As is often the case, there can be two rights and no wrongs, or two wrongs and no right to being in control.
I have a little secret though.
Because I’ve been in situations that have slipped sideways before.
When chaos erupts and the lines between right and wrong blur because control is just an illusion.
That secret is…
Push ups.
Squats.
Run.
Not necessarily in that order.
But if I can’t be in charge of the world around me, or manage the flow of other people’s priorities, I can tunnel down my vision to the one thing I can control at the moment.
Drop and give me twenty.
Squat twenty.
Run a one mile warm up.
Which is just a way of reminding myself of discipline.
Because part of writing in a journal or learning about oneself is knowing how little exists in our sphere of influence.
Sure, we can try to talk, or recommend or suggest or even order around, but…
People will often do what they consider best for themselves.
And often that will not be what you consider best for yourself.
The best way to deal with it is self discipline.
Control your body.
Control your mind.
Control your input.
Those energy vampires can be limited. They can be ignored. They can be relegated to back burners while you focus on what’s important.
And if you can control body, mind and surroundings, it is easier to get things back on track.
Or jump the rails and start a new track, because that’s an option too.
Because the thing I’d like to remember most for the next 50 years is…
It’s a long time and there is plenty of it.
Lots of off moments that will lead to bigger things.
Or different things.
More things.
There will be “off” moments and “on” moments and moments packed with chaos.
There will also be calm moments and peaceful moments and nights like the last one where the harder I pursued sleep, the faster it fled.
Which is why I do push ups.
And squat.
And run.
Because if I can’t rein in an out of control mind, I can push it to the point of exhaustion with exertion.
There’s nothing wrong with that.
Damn - you are so good! An old fashioned "words-smith" is what you are. Tennessee Williams, Thomas Wolfe, and Fitzgerald all brought up to date as Chris Lowry ------